You All Have Someone Like This In Your Life

“So, Jason — you plannin’ on doing any more of them blasphemy writings?”

“I take it you don’t approve?”

“The Bible just seems pretty clear to me, that’s all I’m saying.”

“Well, can I just get your take on something, and post that later?”

“It’s a free country.”

“Funny you should say that.  I was wondering, do you remember how back in 2000 you were sure that the Euro was the beginning of the antichrist’s campaign to create a single world currency?”

“Don’t think [the devil]’s not trying.”

“And you remember how in 2008 you were convinced that Obama’s cult-of-personality worldwide celebrity was a sure sign that he was the antichrist?

“Jury’s still out on that in my opinion.”

“Ok.  And you remember how in 2010 you were absolutely certain that Obama was hell-bent, no pun intended, on turning the United States into a ‘socialist state’ exactly like England or parts of the European Union, and that if he did we were going to bankrupt our economy like they did?”

“England’s a part of Europe, son.”

“But not the European Union.  Regardless, am I recalling history correct so far?”

“That sounds about right.”

“Ok.  Well, my question to you then is, if Obama were the antichrist, and the Euro is part of the antichrist’s plan, and the end result of antichrist social policies is national bankruptcy, if the Euro dissolves in the next six months and all the countries pull out and return to using their own currencies again, what happens to Armageddon?”

“I don’t understand.”

“I mean, all these things were supposed to signal the end times, but they’re all falling apart.  I’m just wondering if that means that for all his corrupting influence, the antichrist is powerless against the inevitable march of the free market system?”

“We put ‘In God We Trust’ on our money for a reason.”

“What does that even mean?  Is American currency like a holy symbol?  Can I use a five-dollar bill with a picture of Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Slayer on it to keep demonic creatures at bay?”

“Now you just sound like an asshole.”

“Sorry.  I’m just trying to understand.  I guess what I’m asking is, especially if Obama loses the election in November…”

“God willing.”

“What I’m asking is….did the worldwide economic collapse prevent or forestall the End of Days?  Was Gordon Gecko right?  Is greed good?”

“Greed’s a deadly sin.”

“See, that’s what I thought.  But isn’t that at least part of the premise capitalism is based on?”

“You should stop getting your economics from a lizard on an insurance commercial.”

 

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Author of over sixty children's books, as well writer of textbook materials and standardized exam text. I may have helped teach your children...

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One comment on “You All Have Someone Like This In Your Life
  1. Roo says:

    Keep posting them blasphemy writings. “Heaven and Earth” was a powerful series.

    (And I don’t say this because my name’s mentioned. In fact, that almost kept me from commenting.)

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